EP 74 :: Having Healthy Conversations With Loved Ones :: Deborah Harlow
Deborah Harlow talks with Bobbi and Mike about helping Gen-X caregivers navigate the caregiving journey and the importance of having healthy conversations about tough topics.
Deborah Harlow was the youth caregiver for her father, from age 12 to 24. Then she provided long-distance care for her grandfather, grandmother, mom, and adult brother as a ‘sandwich caregiver’ even as she was raising her young daughter.She is passionate about working with youth caregivers and Gen-X women in navigating the caregiving journey with joy as their compass and love as their guide.
Deborah is a certified mediator in California, focusing on family conflict resolution and youth peer resolution; a certified GirLife Empowerment facilitator; and certified women’s circle facilitator.
“We can't avoid death,” Deborah explains. ”It’s part of the cycle of life so the more that we can start to have conversations, including the difficult ones, the healthier we’ll be. When someone passes on it's actually a sacred transition, a part of life.”
“Another part of death that caregivers deal with is the feeling that they want it to be over. There comes the time that you think I just want it to be done, which is followed by a tremendous amount of guilt because it's almost like you're wishing for the person to die. But in effect what you're wishing for is the pain to stop,” Deborah says. “You must separate the individual from the experience. Your love of the individual needs to go into its own sacred container, separate from the experience of the illness.”
“I think it helps people understand that their feelings are normal and natural. It's OK to feel the way you do.” Bobbi says.
“Caregiving is not something that we get to avoid. It happens as a natural progression in every family, at every stage, so stop living with your head in the sand like, ‘That's not goanna happen to me, right?’ “It does happen, and it happens to every family,” Deborah says.
You can find out more about Deborah on Facebook and her website.
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